“What are three words to describe your social life?”
Between 2014 (my junior year of high school) and 2023 (my fourth year of full-time work), my social life has changed radically. I went from
- living with my siblings and having a close group of best friends,
- to struggling to balance my academic, athletic, social, and work responsibilities in college,
- to moving to an unfamiliar city where I knew almost no one after graduating,
- to the incredibly isolating pandemic years, to…
- now, this anxious return to socializing before leaping across the U.S. to another unfamiliar city where I know almost no one.
That’s a lot of changes in a decade, and I know I’ve changed immensely in that time, but these answers have shown me that some core parts of me haven’t. I cherish intimate connections and small gatherings of friends. I feel self-conscious that I’m not invited to more things, and I always feel like I’m missing out on some important lifetime experiences by not attending parties. I vacillate between wanting to jump in and being content just sitting back and listening.
Now that I’m twenty-six, I think the general pace of friendship and what it means to be social has started to match my speed. Or perhaps I’ve just found my people. This year, I answered with “Games, calls, walks.”
Games: I’ve always loved playing games, and they’ve become a core part of my social life. For one, they’re helpful because they’re only for smaller groups: I am still fairly cautious, COVID-wise, so they were a great way to start going out again. My virtual DND campaign has also given me a regular chance to connect with people. Friends have invited me to their houses to play some truly amazing card and board games, and I’ve introduced people to the marvels that are spoons, Ransom Notes, and Charty Party. Since Tom and I have been starting to meet more and more of each other’s friends and family, they’re a great way to have fun and get to know each other at the same time. It’s also just nice to talk about something that isn’t… *gestures at everything.*
Calls: My phone call habit began with my parents in college. When I was walking home at night or down to the athletic center before practice, I’d give them a ring to step into their days for a little bit. Once I graduated college, I used calls to keep in touch with teammates and classmates. Once the pandemic halted in-person interactions and I traveled back to North Carolina, phone and zoom calls became my lifeline to the outside world. I was extremely anxious to socialize in-person and was working through some pretty tough things in my life, so those phone calls gave me a chance to escape my own brain and reminisce, problem-solve, wonder, and laugh with people. They were such a gift during my isolation that I’ve continued them since.
Walks: I’ve always been a walker, but moving to a city where I do pretty much everything on foot has really solidified my love for perambulation. Sometimes, I walk and talk on the phone. But it’s also my favorite way to meet up with someone in a COVID-safe environment. We get some movement in, explore Boston, and catch up on life. My mood is always up when I’m walking somewhere, and I always feel the perfect kind of tired when I’m done.
These aren’t the only ways I have fun now. I went to a bar (yes! a real bar!) with Tom, his coworker, and her partner the other day. Just a few weeks ago, I went to my best friend’s wedding. I’m going to make it to a bar trivia night at some point, I promise. I’ve attended dinner parties, hosted small gatherings where we just talk about life and eat brownies, and am hoping to host a craft night eventually. Tom and I made a Before We Leave Boston bucket list that includes both a band name and estate sale themed party. I’ve been on group zoom calls, attended online workshops, and maintained friendships over social media.
In short, my social life continues to change, and I feel like I’m finally figuring out how to find spaces where I thrive, as well as how to move through the ones I’m less comfortable in. COVID created another level of anxiety about social gatherings that has significantly shaped the way I connect with people. It still is, and I think it’s important to remember that everyone was hurt by and is still dealing with the pandemic in very real ways.
But I do know that it has made me immensely grateful for the connections I do have. For now, I’ll keep learning how to balance my caution and connection needs. I know I’ll go through periods of social butterflying and times for solo mothifying (I’m rolling with this fake word here, so please roll with me), and I’ve stopped judging myself for those ebbs and flows. I’ve come to love both parts of myself, even if I’m a bit terrified of this new more vibrant, social side, and I can only hope I’ll keep growing into my wings.
Fluffernutter Friday 